So many times I've started a blog.. Here, or on wordpress, Tumblr, or even blogspot back in the day. Each time, I was going to chronicle my efforts on FINALLY losing the weight.  Well, if you know me, then you know that hasn't quite happened.

I just turned 31, and I'm still the heaviest I've ever been.  Not for lack of trying, or wait.  Absolutely for lack of trying.  But that is neither here nor there.  I don't want this to be a weight loss blog, because there's so much more to me than that.  This will be a blog about how I gain control of my life and start actually living.  This year has been full of ups and downs, changes and decisions, and it's time to get out of the backseat..

I was reminded 5 months ago, that life is painfully short.  My beautiful niece was killed in a car accident, and it was and is devastating.  M was the epitome of potential.  Smart, funny, beautiful, with so many goals and aspirations.  Gone, so quickly.  In her 16 years, though, she lived.  She travelled and saw so many things, more than some see in their whole lifetime.  She wasn't afraid to take chances, or to be who she was.  She's a shining example of who we should all try to be.

As devastating as that was, I've had so many positive things in my life this year.  My marriage, once rocky and somewhat troubled, is in a really great place.  We're hitting the 5 year mark in October!  I'm working in a job that I've dreamed about since I was a kid for a company that has shaped my life.  I've got some pretty great friends, and have managed to get myself out there and socialize more.  But as I hit the "in my 30's" mark, I can't help but wonder - what's next...

We're currently trying to sell our house and move somewhere that we plan to start a family.  I'm still trying to lose the weight.  I still feel like a kid trapped in a grown-up's body.  Stay tuned as I try to figure all this out...